Divorce

Your comprehensive resource for Divorce.
 Upcoming Events
 Dating News

Upcoming FREE Dating Seminars

To Be Determined

 Divorce Topics  

Child Support
Coping Strategies
Child Custody
Dating Again
Deciding To
Legal Issues
Money
Separation Before Divorce
Stepfamilies
Children of Divorce

 Divorce Articles  

Addiction
After Divorce
Annulment
Child Support
Computer Addiction
Cope with Divorce
Costs of Divorce
Divorce and Children
Divorce Mistakes
Divorce Overseas
Domestic Abuse
Foreign Divorce
Help Kids with Divorce
Legal Separation
Marital Affairs
Marriage Problems
No Child Support
Sexless Marriage
Single Parents
Step Families
Tell Kids about Divorce
Types of Divorce
Visitation Rights

 Divorce Law  

Alabama Divorce Laws
Alaska Divorce Laws
Arizona Divorce Laws
Arkansas Divorce Laws
California Divorce Laws
Colorado Divorce Laws
Connecticut Divorce Laws
Delaware Divorce Laws
Florida Divorce Laws
Georgia Divorce Laws
Hawaii Divorce Laws
Idaho Divorce Laws
Illinois Divorce Laws
Indiana Divorce Laws
Iowa Divorce Laws
Kansas Divorce Laws
Kentucky Divorce Laws
Louisiana Divorce Laws
Maine Divorce Laws
Maryland Divorce Laws
Massachusetts Divorce Laws
Michigan Divorce Laws
Minnesota Divorce Laws
Mississippi Divorce Laws
Missouri Divorce Laws
Montana Divorce Laws
Nebraska Divorce Laws
Nevada Divorce Laws
New Hampshire Divorce Laws
New Jersey Divorce Laws
New Mexico Divorce Laws
New York Divorce Laws
North Carolina Divorce Laws
North Dakota Divorce Laws
Ohio Divorce Laws
Oklahoma Divorce Laws
Oregon Divorce Laws
Pennsylvania Divorce Laws
Rhode Island Divorce Laws
South Carolina Divorce Laws
South Dakota Divorce Laws
Tenessee Divorce Laws
Texas Divorce Laws
Utah Divorce Laws
Vermont Divorce Laws
Virginia Divorce Laws
Washington Divorce Laws
West Virginia Divorce Laws
Wisconsin Divorce Laws
Wyoming Divorce Laws

 



 Welcome to 1st Divorce!

Printable Version | Send to Friend
Subscribe | Add to Favorites
Author: curlygurly017 Subject: Rules for Stepfamilies
MacDonald
Newbie


Posts: 2
Registered: 12-09-2007
Location:

posted on 12-09-2007 at 00:54 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Rules for Stepfamilies

from the Stepfamily Association by Jeannette Lofas


Step 1. Recognize that the stepfamily will not and can not function as does a natural family. It has its own special state of dynamics and behaviors. Once learned, these behaviors can become predictable and positive. Do not try to overlay the expectations and dynamics of the intact or natural family onto the stepfamily.

Step 2. Recognize the hard fact that the children are not yours and they never will be. We are stepparents, not replacement parents. Mother and father (no matter how AWFUL the natural parents) are sacred words and feelings. We are stepparents, a step removed, yet in this position can still play a significant role in the development of the child.

Step 3. Super stepparenting doesn't work. Go slow. Don't come on too strong.

Step 4. Discipline styles must be sorted out by the couple. The couple, ideally with the help of a Stepfamily Foundation trained professional, needs to immediately and specifically work out what the children's duties and responsibilities are. What is acceptable behavior and what are the consequences when children misbehave? Generally, in the beginning, we suggest that the biological parent does the disciplining as much as is feasible. The couple together specifically works out jobs, expected behaviors and family etiquette.

Step 5. Establish clear job descriptions between the parent, stepparent and respective children. What specifically is the job of each one of us in this household? We need to be as detailed as we are in business.

Step 6. Know that unrealistic expectations beget rejections and resentments. There is no model for the step relationship except for the wicked stepchild and invariably cruel stepmother of fairy tales. Note the absence of myth around the stepfather. It is vital for the survival of the stepfather to be able to see and delineate expectations for each member of the family, especially the primary issues of upset in step: e.g., money, discipline, the prior spouse, visitation, authority, emotional support, territory and custody.

Step 7. There are no ex-parents . . . only ex-spouses. Begin to get information on how to best handle the prior spouse.

Step 8. Be prepared for conflicting pulls of sexual and biological energies within the step relationship. In the intact family, the couple comes together to have a child. The child is part of both parents, generally pulling the parents' energy together for the well-being of the child. In step, blood and sexual ties can polarize a family in opposite energies and directions.

Step 9. The conflict of loyalties must be recognized right from the beginning. The conflict is particular to step and is a round robin of confused emotions. Often, just as the child in step begins to have warm feelings toward the stepparent, the child will pull away and negatively act out. He/she feels something like this: "If I love you, that means I do not love my real parent." The feelings are normal and must be dealt with. The pulls of "Who am I loyal to first?" go all the way around in the stepfamily.

Step 10. Guard your sense of humor and use it. The step situation is filled with the unexpected. Sometimes we don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Try humor.

View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By MacDonald (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
curlygurly017
Newbie


Posts: 8
Registered: 10-01-2009
Location:

posted on 10-01-2009 at 12:01 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Another good one found

Kudos to you again Macdonald!

To touch on this I think its really important to never make the kids call their step parent mommy or daddy. An equal amount of love should be distributed to both the kids you and your wife/husband have whether it be step siblings, or half siblings. For example its important that the Step parent never say things like "Why can't you be more like (My son/daughter)" Those types of things only cause deep seeded anger in a child and are completely rude.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By curlygurly017 (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
Printable Version | Send to Friend
Subscribe | Add to Favorites


Processed in 0.015 seconds, 9 queries

Divorce reserves the right to block, delete, or edit any and all posts. The Moderator has sole discretion on the content of this site. Anyone who posts accepts these terms, and waives any and all rights to bring any legal action against Divorce. If you disapprove of any of the above, do not use, read, or post in Divorce
498

 User Functions  
Username:

Password:

Don't have an account yet? Sign up as a New User
User Control Panel

 Forum Posts  

Order: New Views Posts
Latest Forum Posts

 Divorce Lawyers  

Alabama Lawyers
Alaska Lawyers
Arizona Lawyers
Arkansas Lawyers
California Lawyers
Colorado Lawyers
Connecticut Lawyers
Delaware Lawyers
Florida Lawyers
Georgia Lawyers
Hawaii Lawyers
Idaho Lawyers
Illinois Lawyers
Indiana Lawyers
Iowa Lawyers
Kansas Lawyers
Kentucky Lawyers
Louisianna Lawyers
Maine Lawyers
Maryland Lawyers
Massachusetts Lawyers
Michigan Lawyers
Minnesota Lawyers
Mississippi Lawyers
Missouri Lawyers
Montana Lawyers
Nebraska Lawyers
Nevada Lawyers
New Hampshire Lawyers
New Jersey Lawyers
New Mexico Lawyers
New York Lawyers
North Carolina Lawyers
North Dakota Lawyers
Ohio Lawyers
Oklahoma Lawyers
Oregon Lawyers
Pennsylvania Lawyers
Rhode Island Lawyers
South Carolina Lawyers
South Dakota Lawyers
Tennessee Lawyers
Texas Lawyers
Utah Lawyers
Vermont Lawyers
Virginia Lawyers
Washington Lawyers
West Virginia Lawyers
Wisconsin Lawyers

 Women's Profiles  





#498